Food: samples

Peter Finch - does he really glow like this?

Building Business

At the morale-build conference
for middle-managers at a hotel so big
the atrium has clouds we sit at the back
in our suits with our badges saying
My Name Is Peter and our bottles of
Malvern Water. The overhead on the
platform says Love The Customer we are
looking but everyone here is staff.
The Chairman has an associate taking the
names of those at the back. The overhead
reads You Only Succeed By Being In Front.
The Chairman is saying
Change Is A Rocket,
Innovation Is The Way and
Win Or Die.
This man has a
way with words.

The guy next to me, my rival at Copiers,
has a list on his lap headed
Things I Want To Shove Up
The Chairman's Arse.
It goes:
Umbrella Handle, Toothbrush Holder,
Two Bars of Soap, Frozen Pig's Tail,
Cattle Horn, Flashlight, Snuff Box,
Wire Spring, Salami, Mortar Pestle,
Kilo of Peas, Vegetarian Burger,
Pool Cue, Kenwood Kitchen Mate, Zucchini,
402 Stones, Toner Bottle, Axe Handle.
I ask him why the Toner?
We make that, he says, signing
my name at the bottom
of the list and handing it
to the collector of topics
for that afternoon's open session.
The chairman is leaning forward
uncharacteristically ranting:
If we don't hit target soon all our
arses are going to be on the line, he says.
I slide out to hotel reception and
ask if they have any spare toner.
Best to be prepared.

Food is published by Seren Books - paperback. 1-85411-296-1 - 6.95 - to order click here

or e-mail Peter Finch: archive at peterfinch dot co dot uk

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